The Art of Listening

The Human Edge at Work | By Padmini Kashyap

Ask any manager whether they are good listeners, and most will say yes. Ask their teams the same question about their seniors, and you will often hear a very different answer, sometimes even a disappointing answer.

Most of us believe we listen well. In reality, we are often waiting for our turn to speak, not even letting them finish their sentence.

The three levels of listening

A simple way to think about listening is in three levels.

Listening to reply. We hear the first few words/sentences, and decide what the other person means, and start preparing our response. Our mouth is closed, but our mind is already talking.

Listening to understand. We hold back our response and focus on what the person is actually saying, including what they mean, but have not said directly.

Listening to connect. We notice not only the words but the feelings behind them, the frustration, the hesitation, the pride, their experiences and we let the person know we noticed.

Most workplace conversations happen at the first level. But a good team based on mutual respect and with a focus on growth, is built at the third.

Why poor listening can affect organizational behaviour

When people feel unheard, they stop speaking. Problems are not addressed or identified. Good ideas stay in people's heads. Employees start saying "there's no point raising it," which is one of the most dangerous mindset’s for any organisation. When something like this happens, it is the first red flag that there is diffidence setting in, within the team and with the leader/management. This leads to lack of ownership, lack of team spirit and clearly the team leader has not understood his/her role.

In one of my training programs, I was asked to train a group of nutritionists, for frontline managerial skills. They were working in a hospital as independent consultants, representing the NGO which deployed them.Naturally the doctors & hospital staff treated them as outsiders and not as one of them. The nutritionists felt unheard, & that they could not be assertive enough as subject matter experts. The doctor’s dictated what should be fed to the patient, they did not “allow’ the nutritionist to do their jobs. Which made the nutritionists feel very under-confident and clearly there was a disconnect between the NGO and the hospital. The NGO could not pinpoint the reason for poor performance.

They were all master’s in Nutrition, well qualified for their job, but the inherent work place system, was forcing them to be submissive.

There are two questions here-

1. Why were the nutritionists waiting to be “allowed” to add value to the table?They were deployed with a mission, which should have been their primary KPA.

2. Were the nutritionist’s contributing to patient outcomes?

3. Were they being heard or silenced?

The answer to the second question is definitely ‘Yes’. But their contribution was neither recognized nor encouraged.

For the first question, it is a very familiar situation even in the corporate world, where team members are expected to bring value to the table, but they are also waiting to be asked for their contribution. Dichotomy?

The answer to the third question is “they were being silenced”.

Evaluate yourself as a leader in your role. Are you listening?

Three simple listening disciplines

Pause before you respond. Wait for a few seconds after someone finishes speaking. It feels awkward at first. It also signals that you took in what they said, and it often draws out the most important point, the one they were hesitating to share.

Summarise before you advise. Before offering a solution, say, "So what I'm hearing is…" and check that you got it right. Half the time, you will discover the real issue is different from the one you assumed. It helps to make notes while listening.

Ask one more question. When you feel ready to respond, ask one more question instead: "What else?" or "What would help most right now?". In most discussions, the problem is shared, but has the team member also thought of solutions? As humans we love to complain, it makes us feel intelligent. Are we proactively also thinking of solutions?

Listening is a leadership decision

Listening is not a personality trait that some people have and others do not. It is a choice made in every conversation, often under time pressure, often when we believe we already know the answer. Leaders who make that choice consistently find that their teams tell them more, trust them more, and bring problems early, when they are still small. Even if you are aware of the inputs being given, it is nice to listen in silence and let them know that they are thinking right.

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Next week: "Emotional Intelligence Without the Jargon." What happens inside us when a conversation gets difficult, and how to manage it.